


5 times Clint Barton almost died and one time he did

by asamandra



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Character Death, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-22 19:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14315433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asamandra/pseuds/asamandra
Summary: When you die you see the "Top 5 times" you almost died...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this](https://asamandra.tumblr.com/post/172926231117/orodromeus-showerthoughtsofficial-it-would-be) post.

_He fell._

_‘Am I dead?’_

_‘Not yet.’_


	2. Chapter 2

He was a little boy. Six years old. He was curious and a little cheeky. His mother always told him to be careful, but Clint didn’t listen. What did _she_ know? She was old, age-old, almost dead in his eyes. He was six years old, he knew how the world worked.

She always said not to climb the huge tree in the yard but Clint knew better. It was fun to climb up the branches, to be able to see the Miller's’ house. And the tree was steady, solid, robust… or so he thought.

It was a sunny day and he wore only shorts and sandals. It was warm, too warm to wear more, to wear sturdy shoes. He climbed the tree like so many times before. His mother saw him, she called after him that he should get down but Clint didn’t listen. He wanted to get to the top of the tree, to look to the Miller’s house. But then one of the branches gave in. It wasn’t as sturdy and solid and robust as he had thought. He tried to grab another branch but it gave in, too.

And Clint fell. He could hear his mother’s yelp and then the world went black. 

When he came around again he lay in a bed and something beeped beside him. He was in a hospital and his mom sat beside him. His dad leaned against the wall and glared angrily at him for not listening to his mom and even Barney was here and looked a little bit worried. 

“Mom?” he said and her head snapped up. He could see that she had cried. “Mom!” 

“Clint, baby,” his mom said and caressed his cheek. His head hurt, his arm hurt, his legs hurt, his body hurt.

“Mom, why am I in the hospital?” Clint asked. He couldn’t remember. He only remembered the warm sun on his skin when he climbed the tree. 

“You fell from the tree,” she said. “You injured yourself badly, baby.” 

“Can we go home now?” he asked and his mom shook her head. 

“No, baby, you have to stay here for a few days. But I promise, I’ll stay with you.” 

He cried. He didn’t want to stay in the hospital. He didn’t want the casts around his legs and his arm. He wanted to climb his tree. 

He had to stay four weeks and when he came back home the tree was gone. Only the tree stump was left and a pile of wood. Clint cried.

_’What was that?’ he asked._

_‘The first time you almost died.’_

_‘I loved that tree.’_


	3. Chapter 3

He was seventeen years old. After their parents died Clint and Barney went to the orphanage. They had no relatives who could take them. But the orphanage was awful and so they ran away. A travelling circus was in town when they ran away and they said they could join them if they worked for their living. They agreed. 

Clint loved to work with the animals. He loved the horses and the goats and the dogs and especially the lions. They were the most beautiful creatures he had ever seen. 

One of the artists - a man called Buck Chisholm - taught him how to shoot a bow, he and Jacques taught him how to be an artist in the ring. 

He became the star of the ring in the daytime... and a thief in the nights. When they were in a town they robbed the houses of rich people. He, Barney, Buck and Jacques. 

Clint was the smallest of the four of them, he had to climb through windows or vents into the houses and let them in and they stole all the money and the valuables they could sell off easily. 

But then Carson found out and he threatened them, he said if they didn’t stop he would call the cops. Clint said he would stop but Buck and Jacques and Barney said they would leave the circus but not without a compensation. They wanted to rob the circus. 

Clint knew, they needed the money to pay all the fees, to pay the artists, to buy food for the animals. If they stole the money, the people and the animals would suffer. And so he wanted to stop them. 

They just came out of the Red Wagon, their bags full of money when he blocked their way, his bow in his hands and an arrow knocked. 

“You have to put it back,” he said pleadingly. “Don’t take the money, the circus needs it.” 

“We need it as well,” Buck smirked and made a step to the right. Jacques went left and Barney stayed in the middle. They spread out and Clint couldn’t aim at all of them anymore. But when Buck made a move and he turned to shoot him Jacques and Barney were on him. They pried the bow out of his hands and started to hit him, to kick him, to beat him up. 

He lay on the ground, bleeding and whimpering when Buck and Jacques walked away, but his brother knelt down beside him. 

“You’ve been a liability for way too long,” he hissed. “You won’t thwart my plans anymore.” 

Clint saw a knife in his hand, he reached out, tried to stop him but then there was agonizing pain in his stomach and his brother rose, blood on his hands and an evil smirk on his lips. 

“Goodbye, brother.”

_’That was the second time you almost died.’_

_‘Carson found me more dead than alive.’_

_‘He saved you but it was a near thing.’_

_‘I know.’_


	4. Chapter 4

He was twenty-two and in Iraq. Sand was everywhere and it was hot and the sun glared all the time. But he loved it. He had a job he was good in, he had comrades who liked him and he could help people. He was a sniper, the best they had his CO had said. Of course he was. His eyesight was perfect and he had steady hands. 

He had learned to shoot with a rifle. It wasn’t his bow but he was adaptable. And in a certain way he liked it. 

His comrades respected him, that was something new. When he took some evil guy out, they patted his shoulders, said it was a good job and they invited him for a drink. Alcohol wasn’t allowed but Benson, one of the guys from the mess, provided them with moonshine every now and then. 

It was a good time even if it was dangerous as fuck.

And how dangerous it was he learned one day, when he and his team were on patrouille. It was business as usual at first but then something weird happened. An apparently pregnant woman stood on the road, waved her arms and tried to stop them. She called something in her language and Williams, their translator, said she called for help. They stopped the Humvee in a safe distance and Williams opened the door. The woman came closer, they all got out of the vehicle, Williams told her to keep distance, the woman didn’t listen and came closer and then she reached in her garment. Williams yelled at her, told her to put out her hand again and she started to come closer again, pulled her hand out and had a piece of metal in her hand. 

“Bomb!” Williams called and the woman closed her eyes and pressed the button. Clint jumped at Williams, shoved him behind the car and then all hell broke loose. Something hot hit him, penetrated his IBA and bore into his back and pain was everywhere. 

He screamed. 

When he woke up again he was in the base’s infirmary, lying in a bed with lots of tubes and wires attached to his body. His ears hurt and he couldn’t hear but Williams had survived. He was badly injured, just like Clint. Williams had lost an arm and Clint eighty percent of his hearing. The army brought the two of them back to the States. They gave Clint a medal and discharged him honorably. But the next six months Clint had to spend in a hospital bed. 

 

__

_’It was so weird, suddenly the world was quiet.’_

_‘You almost died for the third time.’_

_‘I know. But the loss of my hearing was worse than the six months in a hospital bed.’_

_‘You managed. Your stubbornness kept you alive.’_


	5. Chapter 5

He was twenty-four when they threw him in jail. After his time with the military he had no idea what to do. The only thing he was good at was killing people. That was, what the army had taught him and that was, what he did. Why don’t take out guys who deserved to die and get money for it? 

But he made a mistake, trusted the wrong people and they betrayed him. And he was sentenced to death for killing thirty-two people. 

Today was the day. They had asked him what he wanted to have as last meal and he had asked for Mac’n’Cheese. He had always loved Mac’n’Cheese. But he had eaten only a few forkfulls. This was stupid. They would kill him in a few minutes, why should he eat Mac’n’Cheese? 

He leaned back in his cell and waited for them. And then they came. A priest was with them but Clint sent him away. He wasn’t a religious man and he wanted it to be over. He had nothing to lose anymore. 

The guards tied his hands, they shouted their ‘dead man walking’ and then they led him through the corridors, past the other cells and to the execution chamber. A table stood in the middle of the room and there were cuffs for his hands, his feet, his chest. He swallowed hard and dread settled in his stomach. That was it. His life was over and in a few minutes they would pump poison in his veins and he would die. It was only fair. He took so many lives and now they took his. 

He didn’t struggle, he just lay down on the table, let them tie him to it and gritted his teeth when they shoved the needle in his vein. The window for the watchers was still closed and so he was surprised when a man in a suit appeared beside the guards. He nodded at them and they left. The two of them were alone. 

“Mr. Barton, my name is Phil Coulson, Agent of SHIELD,” he introduced himself. “I’m here to offer you a way out.” 

 

__

_’Phil recruited me. He gave me a new goal in life.’_

_‘This was the fourth time you almost died.’_

_‘It was close. But I agreed to work for them and became an agent, too.’_

_‘You were close.’_

_‘Yeah. I loved him. I married him only three years after he recruited me.’_

_‘He loved you, too. He loved you more than his life, did you know that?’_

_‘Yes, I knew.’_


	6. Chapter 6

He was thirty-four when the love of his life died. And it was his fault. He had led the attack on the helicarrier, he had caused chaos so that Loki could escape from his prison and kill the man he loved.

They didn’t tell him when they had him cognitive recalibrated but when the fight was over, when the Chitauri were defeated and Loki in arrest again, Fury went to him and told him.

Clint broke down. He stared at Fury for a long moment but when the other man closed his eyes he knew that it was true. Phil was dead. His husband was dead. He was alone.

“Agent Romanov can stay with you,” Fury said but Clint shook his head. He left his office without a word and walked to his bike. In a stupor he drove home, let the bike drop in the driveway and went in the house he had shared with Phil the last years. 

It was awful. Phil’s shoes stood on the rack behind the door, his jacket was on the hanger on the wall, his mug in the sink, the book he read on the coffee table, the jigsaw puzzle he started half finished on the dining table, their wedding photo in a frame over their couch. He could smell him, almost feel him as if he left only a few minutes ago. 

But he wouldn’t come back, he would never come back. Clint went to the kitchen, opened the fridge and took out the bottle of vodka he had in there, swallowed down half of it and slid down at the wall to sit on the floor beside the fridge. 

Tears ran over his face. It hurt. It hurt so much. It was his fault that the love of his life was dead and he would never see him again. Never. Clint emptied the bottle of vodka and cried even more. But the pain refused to go away. With the last of his strength he literally crawled to one of the counters, opened the drawer and took out the kitchen knife he had there.

Phil was dead and there was only one way to be with him again. Only one way. His hands didn’t shake when he put the knife against his wrist. He swallowed a few times but then he closed his eyes. Phil! He wanted to be with Phil again. And he cut through his own flesh. 

It hurt but not as much as the knowledge that Phil was dead. He could barely hold the knife with his injured hand but somehow he managed and he cut open his other wrist. And only a few moments later he lost consciousness. Phil! He would see Phil again. 

 

__

_’Nat found me. She followed me.’_

_‘The fifth time you almost died.’_

_‘I wish she hadn’t found me.’_

_‘She saved your life.’_

_‘To what end?’_


	7. Chapter 7

This morning they had an alarm. Clint was in the quinjet in an instant, his gear stowed away safely and buckled in in the pilot’s seat. Natasha slid on the co-pilot’s seat and the rest of the Avengers stepped in only moments later. 

“Ready, Merida,” Tony called and Clint closed the hatch. Tony flew ahead with his suit but Thor was in the quinjet with the rest of the team. It took them fifty minutes to arrive at the scene and they saw Tony already fight against the evil guys.

“Why didn’t you call me?” Thor asked but Tony flipped him off. 

“I could handle it so far,” he said. 

“We need a strategy,” Steve commanded. He looked over the scene and then he bellowed his orders, sent his team out and Clint nodded when he ordered him to be their ‘eye in the sky’. Thor put his arm around his waist and flew him onto one of the roofs and Clint took his bow and started shooting and watching out for his team mates. 

The attackers were as dangerous as the Chitauri, maybe even more. They had ground forces and flying units, they had small and fast units and huge blockers… and they had acid spitting, flying dragons. 

“Fuck!” Clint called, when one of the dragons flew in his direction. It spat its acid at him but missed. He jumped, rolled over his shoulder and tried to reach the next roof. The dragon spat again, the acid landed in front of Clint and the edge of the roof crumbled just the moment Clint wanted to use it to jump. 

He fell. He could see the street and the cars come closer and neither Thor nor Tony or even the Hulk were close enough to catch him. 

He fell… and then there was darkness. 


	8. Chapter 8

__

_’Am I dead?’_

_‘Not yet.’_

_‘And what happens now?’_

_‘You can open your eyes and survive or you can come with me.’_

_‘Whereto?’_

_‘Your Phil, he’s waiting for you. Are you ready for him?’_

_‘Yes, I am ready. Bring me to him.’_

_‘Follow me.’_

_‘Am I dead now?’_

_‘Yes. Yes, you are.’_

**Author's Note:**

> [asamandra on tumblr](http://asamandra.tumblr.com/)   
>  [clintbartonruinedmylife on tumblr](https://clintbartonruinedmylife.tumblr.com/)   
> 


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